…cause I just ate. So there’s this organization in Colorado called “Focus on the Family.” I don’t know a whole lot about them, but I think they’re some sort of fascist(!) anti-homosexual, anti-immigrant, anti-all things good… except sexual relations between a willing husband and wife. That should be chalked into the good column, and I believe that FotF is for that. Anyhow, I was thinking well, I was elaborating on an idea that I had a few weeks ago, and FotF brought it back to mind.

I was thinking about my family. I’ve got a brother and a sister and two parents, and a slew of cousins and aunts and uncles, all of whom I talk to on a somewhat regular basis… Well, I don’t talk to my cousins all that much, but when i see them I have a good time. There is generally not very much drama- never any drama between the 7 members of my immediate family (that’s including in-laws now)- notwithstanding the occassional holday bout of influenza. We genuinely enjoy each others company. It’s pretty neat. Anyhow, i could go on about the fam for awhile now, but they’re not really the point. This is a linguistic discussion. As usual.

My problem is that I only have this one word– “family”– to describe this network of related people that have known each other for probably a thousand years, if you add it all up. I don’t have any problem with the word phonetically, but really, I think its a litle bit ridiculous that the same word used to describe people who air their dirty laundry on national television (or did, in the heyday of the uber-intense day time tv talkshow). I also think that even when compared to most “normal” families,the one I have is deserving of some superlative form of the noun- something like famlisimo, except that sounds ridiculous AND it follows a superlative pattern more appropriate to A) Spanish and B) Adjectives. And there appears to be no such word. I really think its unfair that when I talk to peple about my family, that they would possibly understand these interconnected relationships we all have as something as simple as a vague DNA similarity and legal contracts. My family rules, and I want that to be obvious from the first time I mention the word.

Furthermore- and this is getting political and no longer just a big pat-on-the-back for the members of my “family”- I can’t imagine what kind of things Focus on the Family focuses on that are in any way relevent to the one I’ve got. I think whatever it is that they are focusing on is not all that similiar to the th8ing that I associate with that word. First off, I’m pretty sure they’re against homosexuals getting married. The only way I understand that being an aspect of focusing on a family is from the same point of view that one might focus on drunk driving. Not letting them get married helps reduce the total number of families, a result you’d like to see with drunk driving. That does make a bit of sense- eliminate all families, and you can no longer have family problems or family feuds or incest, I suppose- all things that I’m sure they are firmly against. The problem is that if their goal is eliminating families, they should be equally focused on preventing heterosexual marriage. They are not, which basically leaves me in a logical tizzy.

Relating that back to my family is rather difficult. To my knowledge, there are no homosexuals in my immediate family. Both my siblings and parents are married to someone of their respective, opposite sex, quite happily. That leaves me, and while it has been awhile since I’ve even been on a date with a female, I haven’ thrown in the towel just yet. Oh, I should also mention that there aren’t any homosexuals in my extended family, really, but it doesn’t matter. The real point is that their not being married has got nothing to do with us, thus more firmly proving that the thing that I’ve got is not what those other people are focusing on.

FotF also seems to be for “pro-family tax cuts” which at first makes sense. My family is also pro-family tax cuts. We dislike paying taxes as a rule. So perhaps that’s one of the areas of the familial Venn diagram that we have in common, but I don’t think so. The thing is that those tax cuts are only deemed to be pro-family if they don’t result in any decrease in defense spending, faith-based programs to cure homosexuality, and intelligent-design research. That last sentence is conjecture, but its probably true. For them, the best pro-family tax break is the tax break that results in more money for the family that already has it, and less money for the family that doesn’t. Awesome. That’s another suggestion for the creation of a second family word, but that example is more suggestive of a word tht translated to “poor family who should be more poor” and “middle-class family who should be upper-middle class family.” Admittedly, this is the weakest part of my argument. That’s why I put it second. The point is that within my family, although we’re all pro-tax cuts, there’s an understanding that you know, even though my sister is married to a lawyer and therefore brings in millions a month, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have to buy me a Christmas present. If you can follow that logic, you win a prize.

My last reason for wanting a new word, or should I just come out and say it? My last complaint about Focus on the Family that relates somehow to the word/concept of family is that it’s a Christian organization. Now now now, I’m not getting upset at Christians- I happen to know quite a few that I like very well. The thing is that if any organization begged to be secular, it’s one that purports to focus on a family. One of the few truly truly international, intercultural, inter-everything human experiences is the family. All sorts of people have families– dare I say ALL people have families, even those that aren’t Christian. If one really wants to focus on a family, I say we let the whole team play and really get a good understanding of what a family is and how we should focus on them. This is, of course, ignoring my basic problem with the word. There are families all over the world in all sorts of different churches and temples and golf courses- some of them would even qualify for my soon-to-be-minted super-family designation. So I’d suggest that FotF stop attempting to monopolize the concept of family and either change their official fight to “Focus on the Right-Wing, Hate-massaging (but not mongering), Neo-Fascist concept of male social dominance.” Either that or we should figure out some new words.

Holy Happy Days!