soo its been awhile. i wonder if the fact that I have not added anything new to the brettlog explains why my google ranking has dropped from whatever it was to whatever it is. i used to be like, third or so, which is awesome because.. well I don’t know. Actually its weird that google even found this, because I didnt think this was linked anywhere on the internet, so I thought it would just be a secret. either way, its not like anyone ever googles “brettlog” so i suppose I have nothing to worry about. right.

anyhow, the disliking of my job has risen to an all time high. I was “rolled off” my project in st. louis, which means that I am back on the bench, just sitting arround. unfortunately, a lot has changed at the company in the last several months and we are no longer allowed to just sit at home and do computer training when we are out of work. Now we have to go downtown every day and sit in an assigned cubicle and so stupid chores for other people. I mean, I cant complain, cause most jobs involve doing stupid chores in a cubicle all day long, but one of the few things i liked about my job is that every once in awhile I was able to live on my own terms for a week or two. travelling downtown adds about three hours to my day, between the commute and having to shave every day (or every three days) and having to get dressed up, rather than wear pajamas all day long. whatever. if anyone does know what else one could for a living, that would be great. I figured I need to make about $1000 a month to make ends meet. i wonder how much money I need to save to make interest payments of 1000 a month, for the rest of my life. I guess it woul dhave to be a lot, because with inflation, i think in a few years, I would need 2000 a month and then more and more, but I think as I get toward the upper end of my life expectancy, I could start taking money out of the capital. of course, that all demands that I never have kids or want to have a higher quality of life than I do now. whew.

so my house is a mess today. My cds are completely out of order, my room is a disaster zone. it looks like a clothing factory vomited all over my floor. and my living room table, that I was so proud of just a few weeks ago, is completely covered with papers and letters. Most of the letters are actually just brochures from poetry magazines trying to trick me into subscribing. It wont work!

anyhow, I am afraid of going outside. There are all sorts of people out there, and I prefer not interacting with them. My shyness or whatever is becoming more powerful every day. soon it should take over the world. When i was a kid, the worst thing my parents could do to me was make me go to the neighbors to ask to borrow an egg or something. Its still the same. Even know, at the ripe old age of however old I am, I would prefer not make breakfast than go knock on a neighbor’s door to ask for some vital ingredient. maybe i’m just anorexic, although I shouldnt joke about that. there’s nothing funny about not eating. it is terrible.

so thats my news. you should buy a fellow project record.